Records swell overnight

By The Goofy Big Investigative Desk

What began as another orderly day of civic participation descended into confusion when vote totals started expanding at a rate described by witnesses as “comically huge.” Refresh buttons were worn smooth. Counters climbed. Somewhere, a tomato hit its mark.

Analysts immediately opened a full circumference inquiry. Though no individual Goofy Big has been formally accused, several experts agree that the numbers looked almost as inflated as the candidates themselves. The election board has now limited each public address and browser to one daily ballot.

VRC community stunned

Across VRChat, citizens gathered in crowded worlds to discuss the alleged scheme. Some demanded a recount. Others insisted that every ass pictured was simply too powerful for ordinary statistics to contain. A third group pressed the droplets button and declined further comment.

Eyewitnesses describe tense scenes as eggplants and tomatoes crossed the virtual sky. Investigators are reviewing all available evidence, including screenshots, suspiciously enthusiastic group chats, and one avatar who reportedly said, “Trust me, cuh,” before leaving the instance.

Experts call for calm

Independent auditors say the sacred “Big Enough” standard must remain protected. “This is not merely a contest,” one official explained. “It is a daily institution devoted to documenting VRC's fattest asses with the seriousness they deserve.”

The Gazette reminds readers that all subjects are presumed goofy until proven otherwise. The investigation continues, the leaderboard remains under watch, and tomorrow at midnight another enormous chapter will begin.